Deletion

de·le·tion

n. 1. The act of deleting; complete removal.

I guess that is what I should do. It crossed my mind that perhaps there are a few previous posts I should delete, but I ended up changing my mind. Decided that I should keep them around because at the time, they were relevant.

So then, what is being deleted? Certainly not any of my "precious" blog. Perhaps some emotions, but is that enough? I really wonder.

In the past I've buried feelings, hid emotions, changed entire parts of who I was, but is that really enough? Am I not the same core person inside? I am not the same person as I was, but I guess I may be completely the same.

There really isn't any conclusion that I have come to, no answer, no solution. Who I am isn't exactly right, it's like I can taste my own hatred of myself because it's so strong.

No matter what I say or do I still have the same core of me, which just isn't good enough. I've tried many times but still I suffer from the same thing, the same absence. I'm always too geeky, too weird, too ugly, too much of something.

It's Ohio, it's killing me. No one here is like me, and if they are they're just too good. There has to be somewhere in the world where people are geeky, yet have low enough expectations for me. I'm not sure what to do. Ohio is sucking the life out of me, I can't wait to leave.

If I could just go somewhere else, maybe I could be different. I need to be like all of you, you have it, you lucky bastards.

I guess I just wish I could reroll.

-That One Person